The Myth of Laziness

"Laziness" is one of the harshest labels people apply to themselves.

We hear it often. Someone knows what they need to do but can't seem to make themselves do it. They're putting off an important decision, avoiding a project, or struggling to follow through on a goal. Eventually they reach the conclusion: ‘I think I'm just lazy.’  Most of the time, that’s simply inaccurate.

I know, I know, it’s possible that a very small percentage of people might be choosing laziness, but that’s not true for the majority of people. Hear me out. For starters, most people who call themselves lazy actually care quite a bit. If they didn't, they wouldn't feel guilty about how they spend their time. They wouldn't lie awake thinking about the things they should be doing. They wouldn't be stuck in their frustration, beating themselves up for not being able to ‘get it together’.

Sometimes people are stuck in inaction because they're conflicted. Part of them wants a change while the other part of them isn’t ready for it. They want the promotion but worry about the responsibility. They want to end a relationship but worry about how to be alone. Other times, what's happening is avoidance. Not because the task itself is difficult, but because of what it represents. Then it can be fear getting in the way- sending the application means risking rejection. Finishing the project means exposing your work to criticism. That’s when we can become really critical of ourselves and others- ‘it’s so easy, why can’t I just do it? Must be lazy.’ I've also worked with many people who describe themselves as unmotivated when they're actually discouraged. After enough disappointments staying stuck becomes the norm.

Some people who worry most about being lazy have impossibly high standards for themselves (i.e. perfectionism). When every task feels incredibly important and risk of failure is tied to self worth, procrastination isn't surprising. And sometimes people aren't avoiding anything at all, instead they are depressed, exhausted, burned out, etc. and it feels nearly impossible to do anything at all. It’s just so much easier to blame ourselves or others rather than to unpack what’s really going on. There's also a strange comfort in calling yourself lazy. If the problem is laziness, the solution seems straightforward: just try harder. But we know if all it took was trying harder, you wouldn’t be stuck anymore.

Over time, this can become a painful cycle. The more a person struggles, the more they blame themselves (or others). The more they blame themselves, the more discouraged and overwhelmed they become. Eventually, the original difficulty gets buried under a growing sense of shame and self-doubt. None of this means we should excuse avoidance or pretend that change isn't hard. But if the goal is change, understanding the driving force behind ‘laziness’ is usually more helpful than self-judgment.

Examining the underlying reasons and barriers will often help move people forward faster than blame. In a therapy setting, this is where we can introduce the skill of externalization to get curious about what's getting in the way. It allows us to give a plain look at the behavior without the judgement, so that real problem solving can take place.

Therapy can provide a space to better understand the patterns that keep you stuck and begin making changes that actually last. If this blog resonated with you, talk to your therapist about it when you next meet. If you aren’t yet working with a therapist, fill out the form or give us a call to get started.

Let’s get you unstuck.